Marriage Check In

Week 2

1. Pastor Jason has been talking about two becoming one...How do you feel you have been about being one?

2. What are areas that you feel you are too independent? (Talk about what you are doing that may be too independent, then mention areas that your spouse may be too independent)

3. Do you relate at all to making your children more important that your marriage at times? If so discuss things that are unhealthy and what you can do to improve

4. When it comes to raising your children are you on the same page in the following categories..

1. Discipline

2. Extra Curricular activities

3. Church as a priority

4. Dads role, moms role

Discuss the above one by one and allow each other to be honest without judgement or interruption.

5. What have you taken away from the first two weeks of this series? How can you apply it?

6. What practicle steps are you taking to train your children in the way that they should to?

Here are some scriptures you can look up to help train your kids

TRAINING FROM PROVERBS

1) Train them to manage God’s money. (Prov. 3:9-10)

2) Train them to carefully select friends. (Prov. 13:20)

3) Train them to watch their words. (Prov. 4:24)

4) Train them to be responsible. (Prov. 6:6-8)

5) Train them to guard their minds. (Prov. 23:7)

6) Train them to be generous. (Prov. 11: 25)

7) Train them to fear God. (Prov. 1:7)

Week 3

Pastor Jason talked about the triangle of intimacy. Why is the triangle an important part of this particular observation?

What were the three sides of the intimacy triangle?

Rate your marriage (each of you individually) from 1-10 on the following...

(Keep in mind this is a check in not a critique)

1. Emotional Intimacy___. ___

2. Physical Intimacy___. ___

3. Spiritual Intimacy___. ___

Now discuss each of the above and in what way you can improve (try to make this more about what you can do to help you as a couple get stronger and less about your partners lack)

Look at the following and discuss what areas you are stronger at and where you should try to improve.

Emotional intimacy can appear in a number of different ways in a relationship.

Having long, meaningful conversations about your hopes, fears, goals, and other feelings
Talking to each other about the things that happened at work, with each person helping the other feel safe and validated.
Making time to spend time together to do things that you both enjoy.
Showing curiosity about each others' lives, experiences, feelings. and interests.
Being willing to try new things that your partner suggests, even if it isn't something you would normally do, such as watching a new movie, trying new restaurant, or going to concert.
Empathizing with your partner, validating their feelings, and giving them emotional support.

In what ways are you as a couple making spiritual intimacy a priority and what ways can you improve?

Discuss Pastor Jason's ladder analogy and share your thoughts with each other about how that applies to your relationship.

Next, take a few moments and write down 3 needs/desires you have in your relationship when it comes to intimacy that you would like your partner to help fulfill. (Be careful not to approach this as criticism of your partner but as a step that would help you as a couple to grow closer)

Realize that just doing these weely check ins is already helping to improve emotional intimacy (so pat yourself on the back)

Week 4

In all of today's discussion please keep a positive tone. Nothing shuts down emotional intimacy like negativity.

Start today's checkin by discussing changes you have noticed in your relationship in the past few weeks. What areas do you see progress and express how that makes you feel?
Pastor Jason referenced the check engine light in your car and how you make a decision to do something or ignore it. Without going negative on your spouse express some "check engine warnings" that you know need to be addressed in your relationship.
Think back to when you were dating. What was it that attracted you to your spouse? Take a momet to tell each other what you first saw and loved about them. Sometimes we are unaware that over time we have let some of our qualities that attracted our mate slip.
What are some ways you can work on bringing back some of those things you have potentially let go by the wayside? (ie: make effort to communicate more, help around the house, check in throughout the day...etc.)
Take a moment to affirm 3 things your spouse has done in the last week that have meant something to you.
Pastor Jason talked about being the thermostat of your home. Bringing positive change to the atmosphere of you home. What are some ways you can impact your homes atmosphere for the better?

Now take a moment to pray together over your marriage and the commitments you have discussed about.

P.S. AFFIRM, AFFIRM, AFFIRM

Week 5

One of the quotes from this week's sermon was this...

LOVE IS GIVING ANOTHER PERSON WHAT THEY NEED THE MOST. WHEN THEY LEAST DESERVE IT, AT A GREAT PERSONAL COST.

LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL.

What does that mean? No one but God does this perfectly but many people don't actually try. What are some practical ways to look at this quote in your relationship?

Pastor Jason used an illustration of a fence in the week's message. What are some things you think you have allowed to come between y ou and your spouse?

Forgiveness can be tough. Are there things you have held onto in regard to your marriage that you know you should let go of? (Nothing too big or too small)

The reality is forgiveness is for the one forgiving as much as the one being forgiven. Holding on to bitterness only makes you miserable and places a pause in your relationship moving forward.

If you are struggling to forgive something remember how much you have been forgiven.

If there are things between you that one of the partners will not let go of pause here and discuss how to move forward. What do each of you want from your marriage and how can that be achieved. If need be discuss how you can seek additional help.

Past Jason talked about triggers, do either of you have them when it comes to marriage? What are they? How can you put a safety on your trigger? How can you find healing so we don't get stuck?

Forgivemess in relinquiching your right to get even.

In what ways (if any) do you find yourself seeking to "get even" with your spouse because of past hurts?

Forgiveness is a prcess not a feeling, commit to each other that you will continue to forgive.

Persevere until your feelings follow.

Take a moment and pray for each other. Pray that you will both grow in the area of forgiveness. Pray for any triggers that have been evident in your marriage. Hand them over to God and trucst him with them.

If you have gained insight or have seen benefits in your marriage from this series, we would love to hear about it. Please feel free to email Pastor Jason at Jason@rolmt.com.